Eventful Eleven Months

11 months old; i have an 11 month old son. what in the world?! i can't believe that in less than 5 weeks, our little Jack will be 1! no longer a baby boy, but will be moving into toddlerhood! insane. we have loved every moment of this past month. Jack has learned so much, tried to do so much & even learned he is going to have a little sister!! time flies these days. i'm truly trying to savor every single second i have with him.

My Jack,

you are such a big boy now. and you are the cutest, sweetest, funniest, best little 11 month boy on the planet. no lie. you are our joy & we could not be more crazy about you. everyone always asks us if you are always so sweet, playful & well tempered. and the truth is, you are. we are praying that our little Jovie will be as easy a baby to care for, as you have been. you are a dream.

at 11 months you love to:

* pull up on everything in your path

* crawl, very quickly, all over our house

* use your sippie cup. you are beginning to wean yourself off the bottle. during the day, we place your formula in your cup b/c you love to feed yourself

* milk. we've been trying it, once a day, for over a week. you are doing really well with it. we've already cut out 1 bottle and replaced it with whole milk. pretty soon, we'll cut out another bottle.

* drink from mommy & daddy's cup. and eat from our plate. you are so curious to try everything that we have

* eat: crackers, mashed potatoes (i now puree veggies & add it to your potatoes & you still love it.) fruit, bread, muffins, toddler ravioli, vanilla wafers & several other things. we're still trying to introduce you to new solid foods. you are hesitant but we're making progress

* play play play. you go strong all day long.

* giggle & make faces with us. you have learned to copy what we do & its so cute!

* water bottle cases. anytime i go to kroger & come home with a case of water bottles, you get so excited. i place it on the floor in the living room & you just pull up & crawl on top it. its hours of entertainment for you!

* your "God Made Me" and "God Made Animals" videos. you watch them once a day & they hold your attention really well

* bath time. as soon as we turn on the water, you start squealing & squirming to get to the tub. i think you would stay in there for an hour if we let you!

* moving your legs. anytime you get excited about anything & i you are sitting down, you just move those legs non-stop. everyone has noticed this & they think its so funny

* picking up & dropping everything. this is easily your favorite game!

* your bouncy seat. you spend a good bit of time in it everyday b/c it just makes you so happy.

* noggin. you love the cartoon Little Bill & Dora. you just get so serious when you watch them. its adorable!

* bouncy balls. you love to roll them across the floor & chase them

* mommy & daddy. we are still your favorite people & we love that. you just get so excited when we walk into a room. it just melts our hearts!

you don't love:

* green beans

* when we leave a room

* when you can't figure out a toy

* when you run out of juice or milk in your sippie cup. you can't figure out why its all gone.

* getting your diaper changed or changing your clothes. you hate sitting still for that long

you are a blessing. we are so excited about watching you become a big brother & raising a little sister for you. we enjoy everyday with you & we are just so thankful for your life. happy 11 months little boy. we love you to the moon & back!

Jack's New Old Toy

remember this?! i certainly do. Jack got one on friday, from target. ben & i were there with his mom, and of course we end up in the toy aisle. she saw this & just had to get it for Jack. she said it was his 11 month old birthday/i'm gonna have a little sister present!! i couldn't believe it when i saw it. i used to have this exact same toy!!! fisher price is bringing back some vintage toys from back in the day. they have rereleased them & are selling them in stores. i thought it was so neat. there were several other toys there that i recognized. i just thought it was neat that he now has a toy that i used to play with!! he loves it, even though he hasn't quite figured it out yet!!

it brought back some fun memories for me!!!

JOVIE CLAIRE!!!

if you can't tell from the obvious explosion of pink on this cake or by the name, then let me spell it out for you: WE'RE HAVING A LITTLE GIRL!!!!!!!!!!

we are absolutely so excited. to be honest, i was surprised. i was expecting to hear that it was little boy #2. but me & the hubs were wrong. we are so thrilled. i can't wait to go crazy & buy her humongous bows, frilly dresses & all things girly!! i think having both a boy & a girl will be perfect. i'm so happy that we'll be able to experience both genders. Jack & Jovie will be 15 months apart, so we'll definitely have our hands full, but it will be a blast.

little girl was such a ham during the ultrasound. she moved (a lot) when the tech didn't need her to & would not budge when the tech needed some movement from her!! but she is 100% healthy & growing right on target. we have to get another ultrasound in November to make sure her arms & legs are the correct measurements. she just wouldn't unclench enough for the tech to get accurate measurements. but from what she saw, she wasn't concerned at all. so PRAISE THE LORD!!! a healthy baby is all i was asking the Lord to give us.

ben is just thrilled. he couldn't wait to tell everyone today. we've had such a blessed day.

we LOVE you so much little girl & we can't wait to meet you!! she's due February 8! so bring on the countdown. i am now on the hunt for nursery items, (i'm thinking turquoise & red will be the color scheme) and a sweet little monogrammed gown for her to wear in the hospital!!!!

here's to Sugar & Spice and everything nice!!!

Jovie or Jude?!!

tomorrow is the BIG day. we have our 20 week ultrasound to find out the sex of the baby. we'll know if we're having a jovie or a jude!! we are beyond excited. the moment you find out you're pregnant, you start looking forward to this ultrasound. it means so many things:

1. you find out if your baby is completely healthy

2. you finally know if you're planning for a girl or a boy

3. you can call your baby by name

4. it marks the 1/2 way point of your pregnancy

of course, you can still do all of these things without finding out the sex of the baby. i really admire those couples who can do just that! i know it must be a super fun surprise on delivery day. but there is no way we could do it. the hubs & i are pretty impatient!

of course, we are a little apprehensive about the ultrasound. we just want to hear that tech say that this baby is healthy & growing strong. that is without a doubt, the most important thing. we have really been bathing this day in prayer & trusting the Lord.

we have a fun day planned for tomorrow. after the ultrasound we are planning on meeting with ben's family then friday night we are all gathering at my parents house where we will reveal the sex of the baby. so, i'll post later tomorrow night & let everyone know. go ahead & take a guess on my poll at the top of my blog. we'll see how many of you get it right! ben's guess is boy. i've really been back & forth on this one. but i'm gonna guess boy too. i would be really shocked if i heard "its a girl!" but we would be so excited! only 24 hours to go!! i can barely stand it!

have a happy thursday!!

update on sara sullivan

i just read the sullivan blog. sara went home to be with the Lord today. she is finally healed. please continue to pray for her husband, brady & her newborn baby girl, chloe. i do not know this couple but my heart is broken for this family. i don't understand the Lord's will sometimes but i know His hand is always at work. and He is ALWAYS good. brady posted this verse at the end of his post about sara's death:

" i lift my eyes unto the hills, where does my help come from? my help comes from the Lord they maker of heaven and earth." Psalm 121: 1-2

PLEASE PRAY FOR SARA

i stumbled upon a blog last night. someone left me a comment on my last post telling me i should go to this site & pray for this family immediately. of course, i went to the blog. i read back to the beginning. it is the story of the Sullivan family.

brady & sara sullivan are a young couple. Sara found a lump in her breast & was later diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer. (it has a specific name but i can't remember it). during her testing & biopsy process the doctors discovered that she was pregnant. she delivered their baby girl, chloe grace, 2 weeks ago. chloe was over 6 weeks premature. they had recently brought chloe home from the hospital when sara had a seizure. she was admitted to the hospital where she has been watched closely. i can't remember every single detail. i know she has been in a drug induced coma so the doctors could test her without causing more seizures. last night, her hubby brady, posted that the doctors believe sara is now brain dead. you can go to their blog: bandssullivan.blogspot.com to read all about her story & her condition. the last post from brady was last night & he said that the doctors were going to do a few more tests but if there was no improvement today then they would officially declare her brain dead & take her off of life support. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE pray that God would do a miracle & sara would recover. i can't imagine what brady must be going through. his young wife is dying and he has a newborn baby at home. he needs the peace of Christ right now. we know we serve a BIG God who is able to move & work in the life of this sweet family.

please pray for them & thank the Lord for health that you enjoy. you can click on her button on the right hand side of my blog and it will take you to her husband's blog. thank you.

i heart him

pregnancy brings so many emotions out of me. its crazy. lately, i've been feeling blue, for no real reason. just hormones. its silly. i know. but if you've ever been pregnant, you know what i'm talking about! but even on my silliest emotional days, i have the sweetest cure.

this precious little face just makes my day & literally turns my frown upside down.

i heart him. he just has a way of making everything better!

Gooey Butter Cake

around our house, we have a go to dessert. i make it for family functions, friend gatherings, holidays or just to have around the house if we're craving something sweet. its a great, easy, cheap recipe. and it will last several days. what it is?! Gooey Butter Cake. and its delish. i promise. you'll be going back for more, several times!!!

Ingredients:

** Crust:

1 16 oz yellow cake mix

1 egg

1 stick butter, melted

preheat oven to 350. grease 9x13 pan. combine all ingredients & mix well.

pat into the pan. prepare filling.

** Filling:

1 8oz cream cheese

2 eggs

1 tsp vanilla

1 stick butter, NOT melted

1 16 oz box powdered sugar

beat cream cheese until smooth. add eggs & vanilla. mix well. add butter & beat.

slowly add sugar & mix well.

spread over cake mixture

bake 40-50 minutes. center should be a little gooey!

Best when served warm! Enjoy!!!!!

Creamy Basil Pasta

if you are a lover of all things pasta, like me, then this recipe is for you! i stumbled upon this yummy dinner last night! the hubs & i were at Sam's picking up some stuff yesterday. this pasta was one of the samples that we could try. we tried it & loved it. so i bought the box & we decided to have it for supper last night. so so so yummy & so so so easy. it only took 20 minutes to cook & everything cooks in one pan, so easy clean up. that's what i'm talking about! i know you can definitely buy this at walmart, i've seen it.

in the box, comes everything you see here:

you just follow the easy peasy directions & voila, a yummy dinner. i did throw in some cooked cubed chicken breast. i think it would also be yummy with peas, bell peppers, shrimp (if you like it, which i don't!) basil pesto or anything else your family likes. now, we all know that at Sam's you have to buy things in bulk. so the box i bought was double of what you see above. so i decided i'd go ahead & make all of it b/c most box meals hardly make enough to feed 2 people. well, that was NOT the case with this box meal. 2 boxes made more than enough for 2 people & we have plenty left over for lunch today! yippee & yummo!

here is the finished product:

now. how yummy does this look?!! it really is so good. give it a try. we'll be making this a go to meal for us from now on. if you would like a recipe for a tomato based Basil Chicken Pasta then check out my cutie pie little sister's blog. i know katie would appreciate the visitors & her recipe is super yummy too. but different enough that you wouldn't feel like you're making the same recipe. check it out & happy eating!!!!!

Show us your Life, Dinner Recipes

kelly's korner is having a dinner recipe tour which i am super excited about. i LOVE cooking and i love trying new recipes. so i can't wait to load up on new stuff to try. i've been meaning to upload about 4 or 5 new recipes but i keep forgetting to take pictures of the food as i'm preparing it. but i will do that super soon! so i'm just reposting a recipe i posted before. its super yummy & perfect for this time of year. we love it.

Chicken n Dumplins

so. i found this GREAT recipe. from allrecipes.com. it's a home made chicken n dumplins recipe that you make in the crock pot. it is amazing!!! i altered it a little bit. it needed a few things, but it is great, and it's really easy. it cooks all day and it makes plenty! ben and i LOVE it!!! i love finding new recipes and trying them out. so i thought i would share the love! enjoy.

3-4 FROZEN boneless skinless chicken breast ( this makes more than enough for 2 people)
2 cans cream of chicken soup
1 14 oz can chicken broth
1 1/2 cans water. ( i just use the chicken broth can after i empty it!!)
2-3 tbsp butter/margarine
chopped onion. ( i just use the chopped onion pieces you can buy in the spice aisle, ben doesn't like onion, so i try not to overdue it) the original recipe calls for 1/2 an onion.
1-2 8oz cans biscuits (depending on how many dumplins you like)
** seasonings. i just use garlic powder, season all, black pepper, salt, oregano. i just sprinkle to taste.

* place frozen chicken breast in crock pot
* pour soup, broth, water, butter, onion on top of chicken
*sprinkle seasonings on top and stir. you can use any combination of seasonings you want. i would recommend the season all.
*cook on LOW 8-9 hours

** you add the biscuits the last 2.5 to 3 hours. make sure you push them down in the soup mixture so they absorb the juices.
** i use 2 cans of biscuits b/c i like extra dumplins. otherwise it seems like too much chicken. **take the biscuits out of the can and pull apart into small pieces before placing them in the crockpot. it will seem like a lot of biscuits to put into the crock pot, but they shrink down.

** you could use thawed chicken but i've found that the chicken is a lot more tender if it starts out frozen. it will just sort of fall apart!! plus, you don't have to wait for it to thaw!!

*** let me know if you try it and like it! i would love to hear about some of your favorite recipes!

Super Sippie

if its possible to be in love with an inanimate object, i am. just a little. i found a great baby product & i just wanted to share the love.

Jack does great with sippie cups. he loves them. gets super excited when we bring them out. he loves to play with it just as much as he loves to drink from it. but every single sippie cup would just leak the second he turned it over. so we would be left with a soaking wet baby, faulty "no drip sippie cup" and a sticky wet mess to clean up. i tried 4 different cups. 4. same result with every single one. so i got on facebook & asked some fellow moms what cup they use. my friend, leslie, just raved & raved about this cup that she found for her son. so i figured if she loves it this much, i should really give it a whirl. and i'm so glad i did.

its the gerber nuk learner cup. it has a soft spout, handles & best of all: it does NOT drip. which i love. i paid $5.64 for the cup, a little more than i paid for the others. but it was soo worth it. i plan on picking up 2 or 3 more this week. so, if you're in the market for a super sippie cup, bite the bullet, pay $5 and get this cup. (maybe, if i send this post to gerber they would be so nice as to send me a free cup?!!) owell, i can dream!

Solid Food, HELP!

i really appreciate all the feedback i got concerning Jack's 1st birthday party. i now have some more great ideas & i'm excited about party planning. but now i need help, again. please.

Jack is still taking a bottle for his feedings. 4 times a day. dr bubba told us to start offering him whole milk once he hits 11 months. (which is next week). i started offering solid foods around month 8. (or something like that.) but its been a little bit of a frustrating process. maybe i'm not offering the right foods or maybe Jack is just going to be picky. i can't figure it out.

he LOVES fruit loops, french fries, vanilla wafers, ritz crackers, the baby yogurt and bread. i offered blueberry muffin last week & he loved it too. he likes mashed potatoes & he's even eaten creamed spinach. and to my surprise, he likes spaghetti. but the frustrating part is that when i place something new on his highchair tray, he won't even look at it. it can be anything. he loves pureed bananas but when i offer a real (cut up) banana, he won't try it. i've also tried: mandarin oranges, diced apples, cut up green beans, cooked carrots, cut up chicken, the gerber pasta pick-ups and i'm sure there's more but i'm drawing a blank. i literally have to force him to try a bite of something. then, if he likes it, he'll continue to eat the pieces of food off his tray. if not, he just spits it out.

when ben & i sit down to eat, he's very observant. he gets so excited & squeals until we let him try a tiny piece of what we're eating. for example, he's tried my salad or sweet potatoes. often, he'll continue to eat. so i thought maybe that method would work at his meal times. i sit down next to him & pretend to be eating or i'll actually take a bite of what i'm offering him. *occasionally* that works. but most times, it doesn't.

so my questions are: has anyone else had this same trouble? what did you do? what solid foods did you try with your child? maybe, i should just keep trying & not worry about it. i want Jack to eat healthy & love to try new things. i would love to offer him chicken, veggies & fruits that he would eat. i'm just not sure if i'm doing this solid food thing right?!! this is, after all, my first time raising a kid!!! any help or suggestions would be great. seriously. how did you start your child out on solid food?

i'm really trying not to get discouraged. i know that he won't always be this way. i mean, who doesn't love a good meal?!! but i'm worried that when he switches over to whole milk he won't be getting enough nutrition if he's still being so finicky. he still loves the pureed baby food. he'll eat the pureed fruits & some of the veggies. i buy the pear & squash (its pureed together) and various other combos & he eats those pretty well. but he will NOT eat the chunky baby food. like vegetable beef dinner or mac n cheese or spaghetti. he just hates the consistency. i feel bad when he doesn't try something new so i go back to offering the same old thing. i really want him to have variety.

maybe i'm just worrying way too much about this. if i am, please tell me. it will make me feel better. if i'm not, i'm open to any suggestions! thanks to all you mommy's out there. hopefully, i can return the favor someday!!

18 weeks!!

i am now 18 weeks preggo with sweet baby J. only 11 more days until we find out if baby J is a Judah (jude) or a Jovie. we are getting more excited by the minute!! in some ways, 18 weeks feels like i've come a long way since June 12, the day i found out i was 4 weeks pregnant. but it also feels like i'm barely pregnant. i mean, i have a potential 22 more weeks to go!! uggghhh. but knowing me and my history, its more like 17 or 18 more weeks to go. we'll see what happens.

i'm starting to feel the first signs of wiggles and kicks. every now and then i'll feel a flutter or a little jab. nothing too strong yet. i must say, i LOVE it. i get so excited with every little movement & i can't wait till J grows a little more so i can really feel the punch this kid is packing! (please remind me of said statement when i'm complaining of bruising & aches when J is keeping me up at night with a roundhouse kick to my ribs!!)

we're getting more & more excited about you sweet little baby. we can't wait to meet you & for you and Jack to meet. what a blessing you already are to us! we're praying daily for your health and safe delivery. we love you SO much!!!!

this week little J is:

*Head to rump, your baby is about 5 1/2 inches long (about the length of a bell pepper) and he weighs almost 7 ounces.

*He's busy flexing his arms and legs — movements that you'll start noticing more and more in the weeks ahead.

*His blood vessels are visible through his thin skin, and his ears are now in their final position, although they're still standing out from his head a bit.

*A protective covering of myelin is beginning to form around his nerves, a process that will continue for a year after he's born.

*If you're having a girl, her uterus and fallopian tubes are formed and in place. If you're having a boy, his genitals are noticeable now, but he may hide them from you during an ultrasound.

Help me, please!!!

ok. so Jack's 1st birthday party is 6 weeks away!!! AAAAAAAAGGHHHHH. i have done very little to prepare myself. i've come up with the theme & picked up a few decorations. i've pretty much decided about the food & the guest list. i've even come up with a few little creative ideas, which is hard for me! but i need your help. i've never thrown a birthday party for a 1 year old. i've thrown baby showers, wedding showers & had dinner parties but a child's birthday party is a whole other ball game.

i need any tips/suggestions/do's/don'ts that you can pass my way. if you've thrown a 1st birthday party or just a child's party in general then please give me any advice you can. what worked for you? what is a big no no? what would you do differently? what should i look to spend? how much is too much for a 1st birthday cake? i want to spend the day enjoying Jack & celebrating the blessing of his 1st year of life. i don't want to feel frazzled, stressed or irritated. i'm not trying to break the bank with this party. i've picked up a few decorations off the $1 aisle at target and i'm ordering the personalized invites (super cute!) off of etsy for $15.

let me share my ideas with you so that you can get a feel for what i'm wanting to do.

*date: october 24th @ 5 p.m. at my mom's

*theme: fall

(i'm thinking i'll decorate with pumpkins, use the colors orange & brown, and any little fall decor i can scrounge up)

*food: hamburgers, chips & dip, cake & ice cream

this is the cake that i would LOVE to have for the adults (i'll make Jack a little cake for him to dive into!) anyone know of a good cake baker? i'm wondering how much this cake would cost me?!! if its too much i'm thinking i'll pick something different. but ever since i saw this, i wanted it! (of course, i'll change the 2 to 1 & change the name!)

*party ideas: i'm thinking of picking up some pumpkins & every family can carve their own pumpkin for halloween. is that cheesy or does that sound fun?!

*Jack: what to dress him in?! i've thought of ordering a cute little birthday shirt of off etsy with his name monogrammed on it. i found a few that are inexpensive. i know the early years are just about the only time i have a real say in the party theme & Jack's clothes. one day, he'll want his own thing!

my plan is to hit up hobby lobby soon & see what i can find for cheap. since i'm decorating with fall decor & pumpkins, anything i buy can be reused at my home. yay!! plus, it gives me a good excuse to go shopping!!! any suggestions on cute, cheap fall decor?! i have a few ideas myself but i would LOVE to hear from you. i have some very creative friends & family members. just check out their blogs & you can see for yourself!!

i really would appreciate any help you can give me. i'll do a post about his party once we have it & i'm even planning on doing my own do & don't list for kids parties. thanks ya'll!!

We Will Remember

today is 9/11/09. i can't believe its been 8 years since the towers went down & our country realized just how vulnerable we are. i'll never forget where i was when i heard about the attacks. i was a freshman in nursing school. i was in the car, on park avenue in memphis, driving to class. i was listening to some song on the radio when the morning dj's interrupted to notify their audience that a plane had crashed into one of the twin towers. i continued to school & when i walked in the door, all the tv's were on & everyone was talking about it. classes were cancelled & i went straight home. i remember being glued to the tv all day long. i was teary-eyed as i heard about the 2nd tower going down, the pentagon being attacked & the plane full of people that took down the hijackers and crashed into a field in pennsylvania. i couldn't believe that so many people lost their loved ones or they just couldn't find them. it was just heartbreaking. i remember the feelings of anger that surged through my body as i thought about how some terrorists had gotten away with killing so many Americans. i couldn't believe the hatred that existed in our world.

i remember praising the Lord for those policemen, firemen & American citizens who had sacrificed their safety & even their lives to save others. i have a new respect for men and women who serve our country everyday. i remember the speech President Bush gave that day. you could see the hurt, grief & anger on his face. i wanted so badly for every American to band together & take out those responsible for what happened to us. its strange how i felt so protective of people i had never met. i cried out to the Lord to give us wisdom & to heal this nation, asking him to restore our country to Himself.

it has been 8 years to the day. but we can NOT forget about what our country endured that day. we must continue to be thankful and praise the Lord for our safety & for those who serve our country daily!

Little Volunteer

college football is officially upon us. the madness has begun. and around my house & in my hubby's family, it is serious business. i'm not kidding. every year, when fall rolls around, the Tennessee Vols gear comes out and the family begins bleeding orange. my in-laws go to 90% of the games and my hubby watches every single UT game on tv. my television is officially taken over on the weekends, but i've gotten to the point where i don't mind. i actually enjoy it now. i might as well embrace it. every october, the whole williams family meets in knoxville for a home game. we stay in cabins in the mountains for about 4 days. its a blast.

this year's football season will be even more fun b/c jack is now old enough to dress up in his orange UT clothes and take part (somewhat) in the festivities. his main job is just to look cute! so of course, when i got pregnant with him, we were loaded up with baby UT stuff. last year, it was all too big but this year, ben has busted it out. he has declared that Jack will sport his UT clothes every game. its hilarious. every saturday, ben gets up & puts on his Tennessee shirt & gets Jack dressed in his orange. i even throw on some orange. we took some pictures of Jack in one of his outfits to send around to some family. i thought i would share some, since he's so darn cute in them!!!

how cute is this face?!!!!!

this little outfit was just too cute on him!

standing up to cheer on the Vols!!!

playing with Lola; i LOVE that little grin!

"um, mom. what is this thing?!!"

E is for Emotional

so this is the part of my blog where i ramble on & on about my pregnancy. so, if you don't want to listen to me gab about pregnancy hormones or emotions, then by all means, skip this post entirely. i am basically writing this for myself, b/c i am feeling it so strongly (& i actually do want to remember it, b/c its funny!).

lately, i have been a hot mess. i'm not kidding. ask my hubby, he can testify. i have been so moody, emotional, hormonal & exhausted. i know this is all pregnancy related b/c by nature i'm not a super emotional, whiny, testy, moody, cranky basket case! but something about growing a baby (24/7) plus taking care of a 10 month old (24/7) will just open the flood gates. i mean it. ridiculous. i have become that lady. the other day, i teared up b/c walmart was out of my favorite scented candle. and a few weeks ago, i was livid b/c i missed Sonic's happy hour by 10 minutes. i mean, i could've cussed someone out! and it was all my fault. then i came home from work & discovered ben had done loads of laundry & i did a little happy dance. i was elated. insane. i know. i don't remember it being this bad when i was pregnant with jack. but my sweet husband kindly reminded me that emotions & mood were an issue for me with jack too.

lately, the Lord has really been dealing with me in the area of trust. its been rough. i've heard and read about soooo many families going thru tragedy concerning their children. trisomy 13, trisomy 18, heart disease, SIDS, cancer & other vicious disease are ripping into families and their young children. i've heard of parents loosing their infants, toddlers and young children. it is breaking my heart. i know that b/c of sin, disease & death are a reality. but something about it affecting an innocent child is almost more than i can physically bare. and its not exactly the kind of thing i want to be thinking about while i'm carrying this sweet baby. we are 16 days away from our BIG ultrasound, where we find out the gender & if our baby is healthy. this brings MUCH anxiety for me. i want so desperately for this baby to be healthy. i have cried out to God on several occasions, begging him for Jack & baby J's health. it's so very important to ben & I. less than 2 weeks ago, after i put Jack to bed, i found myself alone in my living room talking with the Lord. tears came flooding to my eyes as i thought about all of those hurting families & i realized that my little family is not above any of those terrible things. at any moment, tragedy could strike. so it got me wondering, how would we handle it? i couldn't answer that question. i know it would cripple me. so i got down on my knees, before the Lord & sobbed & sobbed & sobbed. i begged him to protect ben, myself, Jack & baby J. I confessed a lot of things to the Lord about my untrusting and unwilling heart. i wasn't willing of going through anything that horrible. and i told the Lord how very scared i am of said troubles. but He gently reminded me that He has the grace to see me through anything. i had a sweet time with Him.

Ben & I have already committed our kids to the Lord & we know that He IS ABLE. we trust Him with them no matter what. i have learned that God is good, all the time. in good and in bad. but He also taught me that i don't have to live in fear or paranoia that something will happen to my babies. He never intended that for us. He gently reminded me of a verse that i learned in bible drill.

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalm 56:3

that's it. i just need to trust. so i got up from that conversation with the Lord with a new peace and a new heart. I will not live that way. i just won't. i had a talk with the hubs when he got home and he was so sweet. he made me feel so much better & encouraged me to allow this fear to strengthen my prayer life. i know he prays for our kids constantly. and that is so special to me. i still get emotional and teary eyed when i think about how much i love my kids & how i want them to be healthy, but i can follow it up with prayer & His word . how do people live everyday without Jesus?! i just don't know. i'm telling you, i couldn't do it. He literally sustains me, all the way.

but i am still emotional. one minute i'm feeling great & ready to conquer my to-do list, run errands and get out to do something fun with Jack. the next minute i'm feeling lonely, sad, irritated & i just want to nap or hide in the house. so ridiculous. but pregnancy does crazy things to a girl. c-r-a-z-y things. owell, at least i have an excuse for this insane behavior & feelings!!! its exhausting, but i'm trying to embrace it! and i really just need to get over myself but this is the only time i'm allowed to act silly. if you've been pregnant, you know exactly what i'm saying. if you haven't experienced this little gem yet, just keep living. once you get pregnant, i won't seem so crazy. i promise. (and i might be the one giggling at you!!)

i really believe that you don't know worry until you have a baby. its unlike anything else. but it's normal. not healthy, but normal. i'm learning. everyday. raising a child brings a lifetime of little worries but i have the Lord to lean on & an incredible supportive husband. and that makes me feel like i can face each day. it has been a hard lesson for me to learn. i know i'll worry about my kids even when i'm not pregnant, but pregnancy just amplifies ALL things. trust me. other than that constant worried feeling, i'm going to allow myself to embrace the crazy hormones of pregnancy. why not?! hopefully my hubby won't leave me! i think he's learned to just humor me. so if you see a crying, angry, laughing preggo lady at walmart that's all worked up over a greeting card, come say hello to me. and be glad you don't have those extra hormones surging through your body!!!

happy fall!!! almost!