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Thursday, February 5, 2009

Pitiful

that describes me today. ben left early this morning to go out of town. he went to southeastern seminary with job and britt to hear mark driscoll. (he's the pastor of a mega church in seattle. he's a great preacher) i'm sad. jack and i were going to go but it's a 12 hour car ride. we wouldn't be able to go to the conference, so we'd be siting in the hotel room. then we'd turn around and drive 12 hours back on sunday. it's just too much for the baby. i'm honestly very happy they got to go. ben and job LOVE driscoll. honestly, they are almost obsessed. i know they will have a blast and the Lord will use this time to really teach them things. but i am still sad. i hate when ben goes out of town. i hate it. i hate sleeping alone at night. i hate not cooking him dinner. i hate not having him home to watch tv with and talk about our day. i hate not waking up to him in the morning. i don't sleep good at night and i just mope around. it really is a little ridiculous. i love my husband. he truly is my best friend. so when he's not around, i just don't know what to do with myself!! and now that i have jack, it's even harder. ben is such a help to me around the house and with the baby. so when i found out he would be leaving, i panicked a little in my head. i mean, i'm fully confident i can handle the baby, but being without help for 4 days, is overwhelming. i mean, my mom or frances are more than willing to see jack and help me out. but i have to drive to them. my mom is actually staying with me tonight. and i'm very thankful. but i can't wait till sunday when ben gets home. it's just not normal for him to be gone. from the time he leaves, until he gets home, i'm in a funk. i'd much rather him be here with me than be alone. i'm not really a loner. i mean, i enjoy time to myself every now and then. especially since i've had jack. but for the most part, i love to be around people. especially my hubby. he's my favorite person ever. so my plan for the weekend is to visit a friend, see my in-laws and go to kirby on sunday. i'm excited about everyone at kirby meeting jack for the first time. i really miss all of them. it'll be so fun. but i'm mostly just excited about the fact that ben comes home on sunday. then i can just take a deep breath and relax. life will be back to normal. just the way i like it. until then, i feel like this:


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