Saturday, April 24, 2010

Overwhelmed & Overjoyed

that is how i feel about being a mom. this past week has been especially tiring for me. Jovie is at a growth spurt where she wants to nurse every 2 hours during the day & Jack is cutting his molars so he's been hurting, fussy & extra clingy to me. i am just crawling in bed at night feeling completely physically exhausted. i've only been able to squeeze in 1 nap in the past 4 weeks & i'm feeling it. my body is craving a nap but its just not possible right now. it seems like one of my kids are up, all day. i did have them napping at the same time (on most days) but that has been thrown by Jack's teething & Jovie's crazy reflux.

Jovie's GI doctor & her pedi said that for right now (until her reflux gets better) that she needs to be demand fed so that she can get as many calories as possible to help her gain weight. so, basically, if she nurses & then spits up a ton i have to nurse her again. we have to make sure that enough milk is staying down to help her gain the weight. she's also getting 1 bottle of formula per day to help her out. she is sleeping through the night & i'm incredibly thankful for that. but nap times are really rough for her. she just keeps waking up b/c she spits up or b/c she's hurting so much. so this makes trying to do anything around my house almost impossible. my house always looks so messy. i feel like i clean our kitchen/living room 100 times per day. but i'm trying to remember that i have an 18 month old & a 3 month old & that i shouldn't be so hard on myself.

ever since i've had Jovie, i've been so hard on myself. i just always struggle with trying to do it all. i want (or feel the need) to keep a clean home, raise my sweet babies, cook my hubby a good dinner, do laundry & run all my errands in a perfect manner. i get so frustrated when i feel like i'm not doing a good job at running my home. i always wonder "do other women, with kids, struggle as much as i do?" i mean, i'm not sure if you know this, but the good Lord only gave us 2 hands!! sometimes i wonder why He didn't give me 4 or 5 b/c i could sure use them!!! i find myself apologizing to Ben when the kitchen is a mess, dinner is late or the laundry has piled up. he always laughs & shrugs it off. bless him. BUT i am learning. the Lord has/is faithful at pruning away the silliness of my attitudes. i will never be able to do it all myself & i need to be ok with that. i am so dependent upon Him. and i also have a wonderful husband who is such a help to me. he never complains about the cleanliness of our home, the fussiness of our kids, or the lateness of our dinner! what a man. his momma taught him well!

i am learning that its ok to go to bed with a messy house. i need sleep & energy more than i need a completely tidy home. i want my kids to look back & remember me spending more time with them than scrubbing bathrooms. one day, i believe i'll long for all of Jack's little messes in the living room or Jovie's burp cloths strung all over the house. they will be all grown up & my house can be perfectly clean then.

i have had some wonderful moments this week too. there have been many times that Jack has crawled up next to me & cuddled as i nurse Jovie. He has run up to me, countless times, with a huge grin on his face & planted a wet sloppy kiss on my face. sweet Jovie has smiled & cooed at me every single day. and she loves to be rocked while Ben or I sing to her before she drifts off to sleep. these precious moments with my kids are the Lord's sweet way of reminding me to not worry so much over the "things" of life but to enjoy the people He has blessed me with. i constantly find myself thanking the Lord for His goodness in my life. Ben & my children are completely worth the exhaustion & weariness. it will only last for a season. i want to remember these days & be encouraged & thankful.

Thank you, Lord for my family. help me to remember i serve them first.

a few pics from this month:

my children are way too cute!


Luke & Amanda said...

Thank you for being so honest with us! I told Luke the other day that when I think about October, I am not excited, but tired! Isnt this a terrible attitude? I read your blog to prepare myself because I am a perfectionist as well.
On another note, I would love to take Jack (or Jovie if she wasnt demand feeding), or come sit at your house with both of them and let you nap! If that sounds like something you would let me do for you, please let me know!


Jessica Kenney said...

I cannot believe how big Jovie is! She is precious! I know how you feel and the closer I get to having my 3rd baby I get worried about all of that as well but they grow up so fast that it doesn't really matter!

Audra Laney said...

I was coming to echo some of what Amanda said--that I'm reading how you're doing to see how my life will be soon! But you know what? I feel this way sometimes with just ONE! You know what? I think ALL moms get overwhelmed, grouchy, tired, hormonal, and a little crazy at times. We are humans and don't always have a "Pollyanna attitude." But I believe what makes the difference is that we remember at the end of the day that we're not called to be perfect--not perfect humans, moms, wives, or housekeepers. And that's where we are and why we need so much grace and help. That's where God says, "This is where you & I grow together--in your troubled times!" And I think you're right on track because you're remembering what's important and leaning on him. You are an incredible mom--even on your bad days! (Cause we ALL have 'em!)

If I can keep Jack for you one day, just let me know! That would give you and Jovie time to nurse and nap all day if you'd like!