Steadfast Love

"Because Your steadfast Love is better than life, my lips will praise You"

Psalm 63:3

what a sweet truth from my Lord. His love is steadfast. and it is better than life. how can we not praise Him?! i am trying SO hard to be positive. to praise Him. to trust Him. to be still in Him. it is not easy. my flesh is wicked & my heart is so corrupt. i have learned these past few days just how selfish i am. nothing about me enjoys this waiting hospital bed rest period of time. nothing about me enjoys being away from my son for 90% of his day. and nothing about me enjoys Preeclampsia and chronic headaches. BUT the steadfast love of the Father is sustaining me. keeping me. and drawing me to Himself. just a little tidbit of what i've been thinking about today.

update: i got much more sleep (and by that i only mean 2 hours!!) than i got Monday night. so i woke up feeling better this morning. Ben left for school around 7:30 and i ate breakfast. Dr Williams came in around 8:15. i was so happy to see her. something about her presence is calming to me (i hope that doesn't sound incredibly cheesy!) she asked me some questions, i asked her some questions & she provided much reassurance. she said that my chronic headaches were probably due to my Preeclampsia but she ordered a head CT (cat scan) just to be 100% positive. it came back completely normal. she said that they should go away after i have Jovie. she said that i could have Jovie on Monday morning & there is a good possibility she will be able to do the surgery, if we do it first thing that morning. this is a BIG praise for us. we really want her to be able to do it. if she is already scheduled for surgery, then another doctor in her group will do it that day. i will take it. the only negative thing is that i will have to be on magnesium again. and the reason is b/c i have Preeclampsia, even though its considered mild. i am not at all thrilled about this. but the good news is that i only have to be on it for 12 hours and i'll be allowed to have clear liquids, visitors & my sweet Jovie in the room with me. with Jack, i was on it 24 hours, with no food or drink during that time, i couldn't have visitors & i didn't see Jack until about 9 hours after he was born. it was absolutely terrible.

if you aren't familiar with Magnesium, i'll briefly explain. its a drug that is constantly pumped through you via IV. it works to rid your body of the toxins that Preeclampsia has so graciously placed within you. it is necessary. but it has crazy side effects. for most patients, it pretty much gives you the flu. well, flu symptoms without the actual flu virus. every nurse & every patient who have ever experienced will tell you that its awful. when i had it with Jack, i didn't really feel like i had the flu but i felt extremely overheated & thirsty. i was super duper sweaty & i could not get the feeling of being cooled off. the nurses put 2 fans on me & turned the air all the way down & i was still miserable. it felt like sitting in a hot car, windows rolled up, no air conditioning in the middle of the memphis humid summer. and even that is an understatement. so, you can imagine why i am dreading this so very much. but, i'm trying to look on the bright side. i said trying. Dr Williams said that as long as my BP stays normal, that Jovie can stay in the room with me & i can have visitors. so, this will help me so much. i will remain on the Labor & Delivery floor for 12 hours after the surgery & then be moved up to a regular recovery room. it will be a long day, but i know i will enjoy it as much as i can b/c i will have sweet Jovie, Jack, Ben and all my wonderful family.

Jovie did great on her ultrasound, a perfect 8. what a perfect little girl! Job & Brittany, my sweet friends, came to visit & bring me lunch. i was so happy to see good friends that can take my mind off this craziness. we always have good conversation & a lot of laughs. Jack came by for 2 hours & we had so much fun visiting with him. man do i love that kid. i can't get enough of him. i really can't. i'm not a perfect mom but i've never felt like i've taken him for granted. i know what a gift my son is. but this experience has taught me even more about how blessed i am to be his mother and about how special of a baby he is to me. i am so ready to be back home with him. Ben has gone home for a few hours to wash clothes, check the mail & exercise. i'm glad he has the chance to get out of here when he can. i hate that he has to sleep on the hard hospital couch & be bored here. i know it helps him to go home for a few hours!

overall, today has been much easier than yesterday. thanks to God's grace. i have felt loved today. loved by my sweet boy who got excited to see me & by my sweet husband who sat & talked with me. i have friends who love me and served me today. i have a great mom & great mom-in-law who love me by loving on Jack. and the Lord who is constantly loving me by teaching & disciplining me. i am hanging in there. only 4 more full days before i have sweet Jovie. almost there. i really hope this isn't a cheesy or seemingly over spiritual post, b/c it wasn't meant to be. i'm just trying to be thankful & positive. believe me, there are a few negatives & hard times i've had today, but nothing worth posting about. maybe i'll complain tomorrow. or i'll save that for Monday, when the magnesium is being pumped through my veins!!!

thanks again, so much for your prayers. they are both needed & felt. here are a few prayer requests for today:

* Jovie's health

* Jack

* Ben

* my emotions. that i'll have another good day tomorrow.

* a safe & healthy delivery Monday morning.

* that i'll handle the Magnesium better this time

* my parents & in-laws as they care for Jack