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Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Mommy Guilt

this morning was a little rough for me. every tuesday morning, i go to MotherWise at Kirby Woods. we are in week 5. i am learning SO very much through this study. i'm so thankful to be able to go through it with other moms. the Lord is blessing the time we have to study about how to be a godly mom & wife.

but each week, i must put my kids in the nursery for 2 hours. they have not done well with it. at all. and its so hard for me. i know they are having a difficult time b/c they aren't really used to a nursery. they've never attended nursery on a weekly basis. at our previous church, the nursery situation was very different.

so. for them to go to a nursery for 2 hours in one day is just a lot for them. Jovie's morning nap time falls during the time she's in the nursery & Jack is really going through a separation anxiety phase. he clings to me in new situations with new people or when he feels overwhelmed. today, when i walked down to the nursery to get them, they were both pretty upset. the nursery workers told me they had been crying the entire 2 hours. jack sat on the floor & cried in his classroom while jovie got so worked up that they gave her a bottle an hour early. the bottle didn't soothe her & when i finally got to her, her eyes were swollen & her little face was red & patchy from fussing so much. she never gets that worked up on a regular basis. i was a little upset that no one came to get me b/c they were that worked up. i mean, i wasn't mad, i know they are just trying to help my kids adjust to the nursery. but it made me so sad that they never calmed down.

if you don't have kids, you might think i'm a crazy paranoid silly mom that needs to get over it & allow my kids to just deal with it for 2 hours each week. but its not that simple. i hate feeling like my kids are scared & uncomfortable. i know that 5 years from now, they probably won't remember this difficult time. they'll be over it. but i just battle that feeling of guilt each week when i pick them up & see their tears & snotty noses. can anyone relate to this?! i just keep praying that the Lord will give them peace & that they will adjust. i mean, its only 2 hours a week. but for them, that is a long time.

this must seem so silly to some of you. i'm not trying to be ridiculous. but i'm honestly struggling with it. i plan on continuing the bible study b/c i know that the Lord wants me there. and i know the nursery is ultimately a good thing for my kids. i just want them to have fun & not be so upset. if anyone has any advice, i would love it. or maybe just a little encouragement that it will get better. so. that is my rough little morning. i am thankful that it was my biggest struggle today & not something worse.

can't wait to post about all i've been learning through this study. if you haven't ever done it, i highly encourage it. i've found it very refreshing. the book we are doing is called Wisdom for Mothers by Denise Glenn.

now, i'm off to bed & praying i can get some sleep tonight.


4 comments:

Audra Laney said...

Oh, Audrey. That IS rough. I'm so sorry. Drew screams and cries when I leave him in his class, but he usually settles down after 1-2 minutes. I always stand outside the door and wait to make sure. Is there a teen or someone else who can watch them at your house while you're in the study? Maybe just being in their own environment would make it easier. If not, I definitely wouldn't hesitate to ask the workers to come get me if either of them hadn't settled down in 15-20 minutes. I'm like you--2 hours to cry is too much for my mommy guilt to handle!

Ben and Audrey said...

i would love to have someone keep them here while i go, but i just don't know of anyone.

i know they need to get used to the nursery but i'm wanting it to happen gradually. not screaming for 2 hours & forcing them to be miserable.

i've told them each week to please come get me if they stay upset, but they haven't done it yet. next week, i'm goin to really really make it clear that i don't want them crying for 2 hours. i hate that!

Ashley Fisher :) said...

Audrey

This is not silly at all!! I deal with this all the time! I ahve to literally dump my kids in the nursery and run away so I can make it to sing and every single week they are crying. Yes, they have adjusted and don't cry the whole time usually but sometimes they do and they are in the same class so if one cries the other does too (poor nursery workers!!) Anyway, I am ALWAYS sad when I pick them up and they have even fussed. PLEASE don't feel like you are being crazy or whatever. Your reaction is perfectly normal! I would def feel that way too and I know this is especially hard for them bc they aren't used to the nursery! I hate this for you; I'm so sorry. I wish I could help. I would tell the workers to come and get you if they fuss longer than a certain amount of time you are comfortable with. I always do that or I go back and check on them (wo me seeing) to make sure they are ok. Just don't feel like this is silly or you are making a big deal out of nothing. This is a big deal because you care so much about your kids and that is a good thing!

(ok rant over!)

Love you
Ashley

Audra Laney said...

Audrey, in that case, I'd excuse myself from the study after 15-20 minutes and go peek in the nursery to check on them. And if your mommy gut says to check again later to make sure all is still well, I'd do that, too. ;)

I left class twice 2 weeks ago to check on Drew. I don't want him crying the entire time and I don't want the teachers to have to hear it!

I say this as I'm about to take Drew to Thursday School (MDO). Wish me luck! ;)