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Sunday, January 23, 2011

humbling

motherhood is humbling. truer words have never been spoken. it is amazing how caring for a baby, toddler or child can make you realize your place in this world! it is an honor to be a mother but the Lord is teaching me SO much through raising my children. and lately, it has been several slaps to the face. i need to get with it & get over myself.

being peed or pooped on by your infant or toddler: humbling
being thrown up on & then having to clean it: humbling
going through your entire wardrobe & to find everything is stained with spit up/snot: humbling
standing in the cosmetic aisle in Target & leaking breast milk: humbling
going out to eat with a screaming, fidgety, squirmy, busy, wild toddler: humbling
cleaning poop out of the bath tub: humbling
having every doctor or nurse in the delivery room see you naked: humbling
learning to nurse: humbling
cleaning up after your toddler (food, spit up, toys, clothes/general messes anywhere): humbling
being up all night nursing, feeding or rocking your baby/toddler: humbling
being "that mom" anywhere in public: humbling
your toddler says something embarrassing to a total stranger: humbling
going 3 days without a shower b/c you can't even think straight: humbling
having a child that hates the nursery, so you are constantly paged: humbling
your toddler throws an all out fit in walmart: humbling
giving up money in your budget for yourself b/c your kid needs something: humbling
losing your patience with your child & having to apologize to them: humbling
getting to a doctor's office with your sick child & suddenly they exhibit no symptoms: humbling
going anywhere in public & realizing your child is half dressed: humbling
giving up all hope of looking presentable should someone pop in: humbling
having someone pop in to your house: humbling
giving up your needs, desires & date nights: humbling
learning to discipline your child: humbling
caring for someone else every minute of every day: humbling
falling short & making mistakes when it comes to your kids: humbling
being convicted by the Holy Spirit b/c you want things to be perfect: humbling
knowing that you are responsible to raise your kid in a way that honors Jesus: humbling

every single one of these things have happened to me. just reading this list is humbling! good grief.

we had a rough morning. Ben got up really early to head to church & set up. so, i was here getting the kids ready. i was buzzing around the house, in a irritated frenzy, trying to find all the clothing, diapers, wipes, shoes, bottles, cups & pacis that we would need for the next several hours. Jack was SO concerned about lining up his cars & trucks in the perfect order & Jovie was following me around the house, whining & begging me to pick her up. i couldn't find anything to wear & just as were walking out the door, both kids pooped. when we went back inside to change diapers, Jack just would not cooperate. he desperately wanted to hold on to his fire truck & i just wanted to get him clean. he squirmed one time too many (as Jovie was pulling EVERY wipe out of the package) and i just snapped. i lost my patience. i scolded Jack loudly & whined about how i hated having the responsibility of getting both kids ready by myself every Sunday morning. i was throwing a massive pity party and being ridiculous. when i looked up at Jack he was pouting and had tears streaming down his face. to top it off, he was reaching out his arms trying to give me a hug. in complete silence, my son brought me to my knees. and the Lord tore me up.

i sat down with Jack, half dressed and Jovie screaming, and told him that i was wrong. i explained that i should not have overreacted & scolded him so inappropriately. i told him that mommy was sorry & that i will try to be more patient. he just hugged me & said "awww momma". wow. he had completely forgiven me & he was already moving past it. once again, the Lord tore me up. how quick am i to anger? how slow am i to forgive? i sat on my bedroom floor & asked the Lord to forgive me. i wiped my tears away, gathered up my children & we loaded up in the car. as my kids watched "Toy Story" on the way to church, i had a come to Jesus meeting.

the Lord reminded me how similar my relationship with Him is to my relationship with my kids. i am constantly being disobedient, only concerned about myself, distracted by things of this world & delaying the work He has for me to do. but He is ALWAYS slow to anger & quick to forgive. He humbled Himself for me. and it is my job to humble myself, under Him, for my kids. whew. that is tough stuff. a hard lesson that i am constantly learning.

i think my rough morning was a blessing in disguise. i've gotten too comfortable in my role as mommy. too often i think that i've got things under control. maybe i receive a nice compliment from someone and i think "i guess i am a good mom, others notice it." insanity. that is my flesh talking. i should be walking in the Spirit and understanding that i am just a sinner, redeemed and now walking in Him.

please do not think better of me for sharing this. i only wanted to share about what i am learning as a mom. i need to write it out so that i can look back & know that i need to be humbled. i do not have it all together & i am by NO means super mom. not even close. most days i feel like i barely did a decent job. if my kids are fed & clothed then i'm satisfied! ha! i have learned that my house will never be perfect, my kids don't need to dress perfect, and i won't have a perfect meal on the table every night. i just need to live each day in a way that honors the Lord & blesses my kids.

thankful for a Savior that is always working, teaching & loving. i need His grace. praying that i glorify Him in the way that i care for my family.

Psalm 18: 27
"you save the humble but bring low those whose eyes are haughty"

Psalm 25:9
"He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them His way"

Psalm 147:6
"the Lord sustains the humble, but casts the wicked to the ground"

Isaiah 2:11
"the eyes of the arrogant will be humbled and human pride brought low; the Lord alone will be exalted in that day"

Matthew 11: 29
"take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls"

Ephesians 4:2
"be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love"

1 Peter 5:6
"humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time"


learning to humble yourself is a lifetime process. He is teaching me to take it one day at a time. so thankful for motherhood.

6 comments:

Ashley Fisher :) said...

love this post! I can soooo relate to soooo much of it especially the Sunday morning stuff!!

Love you friend. I'm gonna call you tomorrow

Shannon said...

Girl, I am there on a daily basis. Please know that you are not alone.

(I love your list. I think my favorite is *going to the Dr. and having no symptoms. I have done that so many times. It is so frustrating!)

Brittany said...

sweet post. you do a great job! you've taught me a lot & i love you sweet friend!

Audra Laney said...

Sweet, sweet post. Been there...felt that.

A Day in the Life of the Lances said...

laughed so much at this post! I'm only 4 weeks into this mom thing and am humbled so much already! Love you friend

Dina said...

Love this! I can't seem to let go of the fact that my house can't be perfect and the laudry basket may never be empty again. And my baby doesn't even have toys scattered around the house yet! Thanks for sharing!