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Wednesday, June 6, 2012

He's still working on me



remember that old children's song:
"he's still working on me. to make me what i need to be. it took him just a week to make the moon and the stars, the sun and the earth and jupiter and mars. how loving and patient he must be. cause he's still working on me."

well that has been so true of me these past few months. the Lord has shown himself through my prayer life, in such a refreshing way. i have been praying very specifically. very intentionally. especially when it comes to Judah, his pregnancy, birth and infancy. i just asked the Lord for things that i thought would be beneficial for our family. i do realize that my ways are NOT his ways. so i asked him to only give me those things if he knew they were best for us. b/c if they are not, i do not want them. 

i prayed that Judah would be carried to 39 weeks. i prayed that my iv and spinal would go well. i prayed that Judah would learn to nurse quickly. i prayed that i would have minimal to no soreness when he latched on. i prayed my incision would be small so that i could heal quickly. i prayed that i would recover quickly and walk easily. i prayed that i would not have Pre-Eclampsia or any BP issues. i prayed that i would not need magnesium. i prayed that Judah would be born in the afternoon so that Ben and I could spend time with Jack and Jovie in the morning. i prayed that Jack and Jovie would do well without me while at my in-laws (they had been sick that week). i prayed they would be excited about Judah and not jealous. i prayed my regular Dr would be able to deliver Judah. i prayed that we would only need to spend 2 nights in the hospital. i prayed that our first night at home would be restful and that Judah would sleep long stretches. i prayed that Judah would be a content, laid back baby. i prayed that Judah would be able to sleep through noise. i prayed Judah would be a good sleeper at night and nap well during the day. i prayed Judah would be free of acid reflux. i prayed that if he did have acid reflux, that we would catch it quickly. i prayed that Judah would not have colic. i prayed that the Lord would provide me with plenty of help the first few weeks. i prayed that Ben would be sensitive to my needs and understanding of my emotions. (he always has been but i just needed that to continue. ha!) i prayed that Jack and Jovie would be ok with lazy days at home and not become irritable. i prayed that i would adjust to 3 quickly and not have the baby blues. i prayed that i would be able to conquer the task of getting them out by myself so that i could more quickly adjust to how our lives will be from now on. i prayed that Judah would stop waking 45 minutes into his naps, so he can get the rest he needs. i prayed that he would learn, quickly, to put himself to sleep for naps. i prayed that the Lord would give me time each day to spend with Jack and Jovie, individually. i prayed that i would not feel bogged down by house work and just enjoy my kids. i prayed that the Lord would give me a friend to encourage me, just when HE knew i would need it the most. i prayed for a prayer warrior. 

i could go on. but i will stop here. EVERY SINGLE prayer has been answered. every one. not because i am worthy or because i know best. but because he alone is faithful. and for some reason, he has decided to bless me. but more than that, he knew what i would need. what our family would need. i believe he just laid these desires on my heart and then gave them to me for one reason. to glorify himself. he has been proving himself to me. not because he needs to. but because he knew i needed it. i have been SO overwhelmed by his faithfulness. i have had days of tears just because i have seen his goodness. the Lord has been so good to give me a sweet friend, Christen, that has been such an encouragement to me. she texts me each day to ask about my day and she has been faithful to pray for me. and she has served my family in so many ways. i am so thankful for community.

we do believe Judah has acid reflux. so some might say that the Lord did not bless me in that way. but i say you are wrong. because i did pray we would catch it quickly. and we do believe its a pretty mild case. at least for now. 

i am learning that i can trust the Lord with the "big" issues of my life. because he has provided in the "little" issues of my life. i am learning that i must praise the Lord with each prayer and not pray just because i need/want him to bless me. some prayers need to be just praise. i am learning that i need to desire Jesus just because he is Jesus. and not because he can "benefit" me. i am learning that i want him to use me first at home before he uses me outside the home. i am learning that i need to serve my family with love and i need to be patient with joy. 

in the midst of these blessings, there has been conviction. a lot of conviction. i have had hard days. and really hard days. i have had bad attitudes, self pity and whiny moments. and my exhaustion is not an excuse. the Lord is reminding me that the days are long but the years are short. that this is my calling. and that he will equip me for each day. he sustains me. and he is more than enough. 

these are the verses the Lord has used to teach me the past few weeks. i am so thankful for this season. it has been the most challenging but fruitful time of my life. Jesus is faithful. 

Romans 8:6

Isaiah 33:6

Colossians 1:10-12


i wanted to write all this down so i can be encouraged when i struggle. and so that i can always remember his faithfulness. 


1 comment:

Whitney said...

Thanks for this post, Audrey. So encouraging.